A Word to Support People

Quite frankly, I feel kind of sorry for the people in my life sometimes.  And sometimes I don't.  No one ever expected the injuries from the accident to still be affecting me almost two years later.  But they are and it's about time they get used to it.  I've worked pretty hard these long months, and there are improvements.  I intend for there to continue to be improvements, too.

But a little help would really help in certain situations.

Take the quick-and long lasting-temper problems, for instance.  I've struggled with this issue all along.  I know it.  They know it.  So technically, since none of us likes it when it rears its ugly head, you'd think we'd all do whatever is necessary to avoid it.

There are a number of reasons that cause me to get to that point, but stress and unpleasantness are the two major offenders.  I am very aware of when it begins to get out of hand and I try to warn them. But on too many occasions it's like talking to the wall.  And then I'm the 'bad guy.'

And let me tell you, I can be very bad.  I'll shout, I'll cuss, I'll say things that I never would have said before the TBI and PTSD.  Things that horrify me even as I hear the ugly words spewing out of my mouth.  At some point I manage to clamp my jaws together because I'm so disgusted with myself, but the irritability can last for hours.  Unless I can get somewhere alone-with minimal noise, distractions and interruptions.

I hate this new part of my personality.  I fight against it all the time.  To the point where I spend a great deal of time alone in my office, avoiding talking to anyone...in person or on the telephone.  If I isolate myself, I can avoid all triggers, right?

But my question is why should I have to avoid them?   If I work hard to keep the monster in me under control, shouldn't the people in my life work hard to not irritate me?

In a perfect world, yeah.

But the world isn't perfect, is it?  We get used to life being this way, and when something happens to change a part of it, or in this case-a person, it's stressful for everyone involved.  We want things back the way they were.  We try to live life the same way we always have.  Maybe in hopes that if we keep trying to make it so, it will be so?

Maybe it can be.  Someday.  But if you're dealing with a TBI and/or PTSD victim, cut them a little slack, okay?  If you want things back to normal, it's going to take some time for your loved one to adjust and figure out new ways to handle things in his or her life.

If they give you a heads up that whatever is going on now is about to set them off, heed the warning!   Not only might it save you hours of misery, you'll earn some brownie points for compassion and understanding.  Because like it or not, understand it or not, that's exactly what we need sometimes.

Will you, the support person, get it right every time?  Nope.  But we, the victims, won't either.  All any of us can do is our best.  Keep trying, keep failing, keep winning some of the battles.  It's a learning process for everyone.

You just need to learn fast....try not to tick us off.  (smile, okay?)