I spent the a good part of the afternoon reading blogs by other TBI victims. It was 'pleasantly' surprising to see that the things I still experience, after almost two years, aren't uncommon. One subject in particular really hit home.
And that would be...fatigue. Constant, sometimes debilitating fatigue.
Except for early in pregnancies, and maybe until the babies started sleeping through the night, I don't think I've ever been so consistently tired as I have been for the past twenty-two months. The only things that were worse have been the few times I've had bronchitis, and the occasional flu bug. Fortunately those things are few and far between.
But this... This just never goes away. I still have trouble getting a good nights sleep, though six to eight hours is more common now than it was during the first year and a half. Then I averaged three to four hours a night. Every night.
The odd thing about that is, I think I felt more awake on the fewer hours of sleep. I don't try to skimp though because adequate rest is essential for the healing process. Not to mention it's healthier. Still, no matter how much or how little I get, I never wake refreshed. I never wake up when I don't feel like a few more hours might help. So basically just the simple act of getting out of bed begins my fatigue-filled day.
Things don't get as bad if I can just stay in my own little world. My house and, specifically, my office. There I can control distractions and noise (to a large degree). Grocery shopping, riding in the car, picnics, parties, and just about anything else you can think of, all leave me exhausted. Depending on what's involved, it can last for days.
I'm still recovering from the family reunion I mentioned a in an earlier post. One thing I neglected to add is that the day was topped off with a flat tire on the way home...and a 45 minute wait on the shoulder of a freeway off ramp. More stress, added to an already stressful weekend, left me feeling like I'd been through a wringer.
It takes awhile to bounce back. Though today isn't quite as rough as yesterday, it's still not good. Hopefully the normal fatigue will be back tomorrow. For clarity, the fatigue is very much more preferable to exhaustion.
This is just one of those peachy side effects of a head injury. You never stop hoping it will go away-and it never does.
IME doctors will refute it. They're paid very well to discredit you and your symptoms. It's all in your head (yeah, isn't it?!). It's depression (uh-huh...you get a head injury and the fatigue and other injuries might depress you, too!). You didn't lead an active enough lifestyle prior to the accident and now you're trying to blame your poor health on that (one, how do they know what kind of life you led prior to the accident and two... well, I can't give my opinion here because it would, again, involve the use of profanity).
Hating is something I've always tried to avoid in my life. In fact, I've hated very few people, ever. Until this happened. Now the list is fairly long-and growing all the time.
But you know what? Hating just exacerbates stress, and stress makes me more tired, so it's a viscous cycle. Consequently I try not to think about the people who are paid well to try and make my life miserable. Too bad they're experts in their profession.
Thought I got off topic for a second there, but I really didn't. TBI-related fatigue is very real. And, from the looks of things, it's pretty long lasting. Unfortunately there will be people in your life who will swear up and down that it's not real. That you're lying. Or, as one of the oh so trustworthy, integrity-strong insurance doctors said, that you're 'embellishing.'
Hey, Doc...bite me!
Just let me take a quick nap first...
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