One of the most annoying things about this whole 'traumatic brain injury' thing is something I don't have a name for. I'm sure there is a name for it, and someone probably told me what it was, but obviously it's just one of the many things I tend to forget now.
Maybe it has to do with the 'focus' issues that have become a part of my daily life. Whatever the reason, it can be very frustrating. Both for me and anyone trying to talk to me.
Sometimes I'll be sitting at my desk (or anywhere), trying to do something, and realize that I don't know what I've been doing for the past little while. While I'm writing, watching a program, playing a game, or-and I'm sorry to admit this-having a conversation.
It's kind of like driving when you're too tired. All of a sudden you realize you've covered a few miles you don't remember passing. The file I thought I was writing in is blank. The television program is running, but I've missed several minutes and couldn't tell you why.
The worst, though, are the conversations. We've all had moments in our lives when we've been stuck listening to a dull speaker. Those people who prefer monologues over a two-way chat. They make it easy to zone out, to pay just a hint of attention to what they're saying because all they require is an occasional 'uh-huh,' or nod of the head.
But now I can zone out during the middle of a perfectly nice conversation. It's like my mind gets tired of thinking and just takes a little vacation.
Another facet to whatever this thing that I have going on now is just weird. One of my kids will come to my office, have a short conversation with me, and then go on about their business. Thirty seconds or a minute or two later I have to call them back and find out what we both just said. For some reason it took awhile for it to register that they were here and that we actually discussed something. It's a little scary, and it for sure is a lot annoying!
I can also be in the middle of doing something when one of them will stop to say something. And I'll have to ask them to repeat it several times before what they're saying actually sinks in. Why? Because I have trouble shifting my focus from one thing to another. Yet another change I hate.
I'm not saying this is a constant, round the clock thing. It's definitely a daily thing, and I work hard to eliminate from my life. But it's not easy. I've always been able to change my focus whenever I wanted to. I want that ability back.
So far the biggest thing that helps me is to close my eyes. If I can shut out all the distractions around me, or at least most of them, then I can hear what someone is saying to me. Kind of a pain in the neck though. Not to mention that it looks rude.
Has anyone else experienced this? If so, have you found anything that helps you shift your focus from one thing to another? What might that be?
Hi Kristy,
ReplyDeleteThank you kindly for commenting on my blog, it's nice to meet you. Nice job on your blog and good for you!
Two links may be of help, brain fatigue: http://thefightofmylife.blogspot.com/2009/02/brain-budget.html
This article is great explaining a lot of TBI subtleties, specifically look at Complex Attention: http://www.dickibus.co.uk/tkayhdi.htm
For me, shifting from one thing to another isn't something I do well anymore. I have to do one thing at a time and I used to work in offices where I did several things at a time without even thinking about it, everything came natural.
I think for a lot of TBIers we need to minimize distractions, be able to control our environments so we can focus better.
I'll be following your blog, I replied to your comment on mine, but also wanted to leave a note for you here.
Blessings on ya!
RH
Hi Kristy,
ReplyDeleteThank you for commenting on my WhileIThinkOfIt blog, I'll reply to the points you made over there in the next couple of days.
Reading this post of yours I can say with no hesitation that I understand exactly where you (and RH) are coming from. Man, is that one a bummer ?!
The "changing focus" problem is one of the biggest curses that befalls us and, ironically, it is probably the hardest thing to get (non-suffering) people to understand.
I always relate to things in a visual manner so I describe it to people as being like your brain is an old, clapped-out PC that is really having difficulties swapping from one Window to the next, say from IE to Excel... part of a frame will appear on the screen, then maybe the header line... a little bit later you might get part of the taskbar at the top, followed by the scroll slider... and so on, and so on. It can take ages for the whole picture to appear, in the same way that it can take ages for your brain to completely switch over (change focus) from one thing to another.
Talking to "the professionals" about it their response is often that they don't witness any signs of it when they are talking to you, but then the focus isn't actually changing while one is with them because, after all, the whole conversation has only one focus in the first place.
"Real life" is not a doctor's surgery !
One thing that can definitely have an adverse affect on it though is tiredness.
I get mentally tired every day anyway, as I'm sure you do too, but a lack of sufficient sleep will definitely give me additional focussing problems the next day.
I, too, used to be able to keep many metaphorical balls in the air at once so I totally understand the frustrations felt by those who now struggle to complete a single task.
I haven't tried the "closing my eyes trick", although I understand how it might be of some use.
Ultimately, the thing that is most likely to succeed is the line, "Ok, just give me a minute", and then let the focus-swapping take over in its own time. Then, when one feels right in oneself, one can follow it with "Ok, I'm with you now".
It may sound like a rude way to go about things but, hell, if people want us to play ball with them then they have to give us a chance to get onto the field.
(Verbosity is another affliction caused by TBI. ;) )
Take care of yourself.
Tom
Thanks, RH and Tom...until this afternoon I had NO idea how widespread these problems are. Well, I mean I've read all the statistics, but I've never actively sought out others who are experiencing the same things. In fact, some of my blogs have made wonder if people might not think I'm crazy!
ReplyDeleteLike both of you, I miss the days when I could multi-task. The only thing that comes even close to it now is if I'm in the middle of something, like researching one subject, just ONE thing off topic can send me on an entire new search-for something completely unrelated to what I need.
Thank you for the links, RH...I'm going to give my second dose of a prescription designed to help me focus more (and wake me up a bit!) a little time to work before I read them. No surprise, writing the blogs tires me out...and that is actually the subject of today's blog, Tom.
So I know what you mean about that not helping focusing issues. Only problem is, I'm ALWAYS tired!
I had to laugh about the reference to rude and verbosity. I used to be a very patient person. Not anymore...and my attitude quite clearly reflects this now. I also tend to use too many words these days...often because the word/words I want aren't always there when I need them.
Take care,
Kristy