Finding You

Life is hard after you've been injured in an auto accident.  From the injuries themselves to just surviving day to day.  It's hard.  You're probably in pain-and a lot of it.  If you throw a TBI in to the mix, then you may be experiencing difficulties in concentration, being overwhelmed by everything around you, even just trying to think. 

Feelings of anger, helplessness, resentment and self-pity are emotions you'll struggle with every waking minute. You may find the things you're used to doing have become impossible challenges.  Cooking a meal might have been a snap before, but now all it does is make the pain worse.  A quick trip to the grocery store isn't so quick anymore.  You're hurting, moving slow as a snail and it, too, just keeps adding to the pain.  Simple things like getting dressed may require you to swallow your pride and ask for help.

Throw in what seems like endless appointments to see doctors and specialists, for tests, and physical therapy (that you can't imagine helping because every movement is a new adventure in agony) and life just gets...well, harder. 

With all of this going on, it's pretty easy to fall in to a 'poor me' frame of mind.  You may find it's very easy to whine and complain, after all, you have justifiable reasons for doing so.  You may be tempted to start making excuses to avoid situations that make it worse.  Let everyone else take over everything you used to do.  After all, everything hurts. Why should you do anything to aggravate it?

For one thing, you're not doing yourself any favors.  If all you do is sit around doing nothing, you might as well give it up, order a Hoveround and be done with it.  I hope this doesn't confuse you but pain associated with any sort of movement does nothing but get worse when you move too little.  Your muscles will get used to not moving much, and you'll begin to lose strength.  And trust me, it will hurt more when you do get up to do something. 

I'm not saying you should get out there and run marathons or anything, but even if it's nothing more than wandering out to the kitchen once in awhile to stir a pot of soup your spouse or child started, do it.  Stay as involved in the things that used to interest you as possible.

Try not to cut yourself off from the people in your life either.  Between the pain, exhaustion, difficulty concentrating...and all of your appointments, you just may discover your inner recluse.  Banish him (or her) quickly!  Staying connected with family and friends was an important part of your life before, and it's a part of your life you need to hang on to.  If nothing else, they may be a wonderful distraction from your troubles.   

One other thing to watch out.  All of the negative emotions you're feeling can build until you feel like you're a stick of dynamite with a really short fuse.  One wrong word, one wrong move can set you off.  And when it happens, folks, run for cover!

But you know what?  The people in your life didn't cause this.  Like you, they wish the accident had never happened.  They wish you weren't in pain and want you back to normal, too.  Possibly even more than you do, depending on what your attitude has been.

They don't deserve to have you take the anger and resentment out on them.  So please, if I'm describing you, make it a priority to get this part of you under control.  TBI's can complicate things, but it's still not impossible.  You might fail far more often than you succeed in reining in those negative feelings and words.  But you just keep trying.  And trying.  And sooner or later, you'll get there.  Your successes will outnumber the failures.  Each time you win, you'll be one step closer the person you were before the accident.

Obviously I'm not talking about those who have suffered catastrophic physical and/or head injuries.  But if you're here, reading this with any degree of understanding, then you likely have what it takes to help yourself on the road back to what was normal for you.  Maybe you'll never achieve 100%, but 30, 50 or 70% is much better than nothing.  Isn't it?

Why In The World Am I Blogging?

So others might learn from my experience.
 
This fall it will be two years since my involvement in an auto accident.  Sometimes it feels like so much more time has passed because it doesn't seem possible that so much has happened in that length of time.
 
My journey started on a bright afternoon in early October 2008, as I was driving to the store to pick up lunch supplies for my son for the coming week. 

Looking back, it's easy to say, gosh-if I'd just left two minutes earlier. Or two minutes later. If I'd taken a different route. If I'd done any of a number of other things, I wouldn't be sharing what I've learned with you now.
 
But I didn't. 

And that placed me at a red light where a 'back road' crossed a busy highway. When my light turned green, I looked, saw a car stopped and stepped on my gas pedal. I don't think I made it as far as the light when I saw a white car flying toward me...and a split second later he hit the front of my van. 
 
I've often wondered if the sound I heard was the impact of the car hitting my van, or if it was the sound my head made when it-and the left side of my body-slammed against the driver's side door. I lost consciousness for a short time and wasn't aware that, somehow, the guy managed to hit the van a second time, causing more damage then than he did with the initial hit.
 
There are things I don't recall immediately afterward, but some things stand out. Like getting out of the van and trying to assess the damage to my vehicle. I wasn't very steady on my feet and witnesses insisted I get back in the van. I also remember the officer at the scene trying to get me to get in the ambulance and I kept saying no, that he needed to call my mom so she could take me to the hospital. 
 
Why wouldn't I ride in the ambulance? Because I hadn't shaved my legs. Stupid reason? Sure was. But when you've hit your head hard enough to be knocked out, you don't exactly think or reason as clearly as you otherwise might. 

Not that the 'other side' will see it that way. Trust me, that line of muddled reasoning came back to bite me in the butt a few weeks ago. But that's a subject for another day.
 
So now you know the basics of what happened then. It's everything that's happened since that I'd like to share with you. So if you're going through something similar, you might be surprised at some the things I've learned. And let me tell you, I've learned far more than I ever wanted to know.

My very first lesson, which I discovered early in the game is this....under no circumstances should you trust anyone following an accident.  I'll cover the reasons why in my next post.